Ertblog

Talking telephone numbers

Once upon a time, London had a telephone code everyone knew and understood.

So much so that ITV's programme about events in the capital was called '01 for London'.

How things changed. The 01 code was replaced by two separate codes, 071 and 081, in 1990. These became 0171 and 0181 just five years later. The moves were intended to cope with the demand for new fax and phone numbers. Finally, London regained a single code in 2000: 020.

But it's the best kept secret in the capital. All but a few anoraks think London has two codes, 0207 and 0208. The confusion arose because the phone regulator added a 7 or an 8 to London phone numbers when it introduced 020. But most people think these numbers are part of the code, rather than part of the number. They're not. Does it matter? It does. If you're in central London and dial a number without the code, you'll get an unobtainable sound if you don't include the 7 in the number.

Last year the new regulator Ofcom claimed that the vast majority of London small businesses knew that the code was 020. It's hard to believe: a quick glance at shop front in one short street in Marylebone suggests that ignorance is the order of the day. 

Health police: forget saving the planet

Health and safety regulations have gone mad.

I went up to the bar in a local pub tonight to get a second pint. The barman went to get a new glass. "Forget it, I'm happy to keep the old one," I said. "Sorry, we're not allowed to re-use glasses. It's the health and safety people. They think someone might spike your glass with drugs."

What insanity. I'm happy to take the risk. After all, having a quiet meal in a village pub is hardly dicing with death. But the health and safety police can't see this. They refuse to allow us to save the planet.

Winning is painful for England

You wouldn't watch England play for fun, would you? They're through to the World Cup quarter finals. But it was painful to watch.

What a comparison with Germany, Argentina, Brazil - and even Mexico, who played so valiantly last night. 

It makes you wonder why Sven-Goran Eriksson is paid 50 times the salary of his Argentinian counterpart.

Gordon Brown goes nuclear

You've got to hand it to Gordon Brown. He's quite prepared to do more than the day job.

This week, he was at it again. He proclaimed that he was happy to replace Trident as Britain's nuclear deterrent. Since when has defence policy been the responsibility of the Chancellor of the Exchequer?

Yes, we all know that Brown will be our next prime minister - as soon as he can bundle Blair out of number 10. But there's something creepy about Mogadon Man's endless declarations about every aspect of national life.

PS: If Gordon's serious about taking over, he could commission a decent photo. The Treasury website carries an appalling passport snap of the cheerful one.

Red card for Mr Tring?

Tring is in mourning. The man who put the small Hertfordshire town on the map is in disgrace.

Referee Graham Poll gave one of the worst World Cup performances ever seen in this week's Australia v Croatia game. His failure to send off Croatia's Josip Simunic after showing him two yellow cards was highlighted by FIFA president Sepp Blatter in his half time report on Germany 2006.

Poll will find out on Wednesday if he will play any further part in the tournament. It seems unlikely: The Sun's verdict was "Fool Poll's coming home".

It's a sad day for Tring. Obscurity beckons again.

Turnip turns pundit

The media make fickle friends.

Today's tabloid hero becomes tomorrow's target for contempt. Just ask David Beckham and Sven-Goran Erikkson.

So it's good to see the media turning to yesterday's villain for words of wisdom about the Germany 2006 World Cup campaign. Graham Taylor was famously pilloried by The Sun as a turnip when his England team failed to qualify for the 1994 World Cup. He was horribly embarrassed (well, we cringed for him) by a fly on the wall documentary about his management of England. ("Do I not like that.") Now he's back as one of the BBC's pundits. You can bet we won't hear a word about turnips.

Smoking kills - but keep eating Dairy Milk

Chocoholics are in crisis. Cadbury has withdrawn a million bars of Dairy Milk because of a salmonella scare. At first, the company won praise for its responsible reaction. But it emerges that Cadbury waited five months before telling Britain's health watchdog and recalling the bars.

Shock horror! Any of us could have been struck down by killer chocolate! (At least on Planet Tabloid, if not on Planet Reality.)

But health scares are almost always just that - manna for headline writers and a headache for health professionals. It seems pointless fretting over some minuscule risk when people happily ignore real health risks. My village newsagents carries a rack of cigarettes, all screaming SMOKING KILLS. The man ahead of me in the queue this morning happily bought three packets. Go on, live dangerously and enjoy a bar of Dairy Milk.

Guardian nets online advantage

The UK's Guardian newspaper announced last week that it would publish news stories online rather than save them for the printed paper.

The move came as a surprise. Hadn't they been doing this for years? Why would you hold back a story that breaks mid afternoon for the next day's paper?

The paper's respected reader's editor, Ian Mayes, devoted his column to the move this week. http://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1800755,00.html. Mayes quotes dinosaur readers threatening to stomp off to other papers.

The Guardian should - and will - hold its nerve. Radio overtook newspapers for breaking news three generations ago. Britain heard it was at war on a sunny 1939 Sunday morning from the BBC, not the next day's papers. The Guardian's move recognises reality.

England fail to mash the Swedes

England have reached the knockout stage of the World Cup.

Here's the summary:

Dysfunctional manager decides to take just four strikers to Germany - one a teenager who has never kicked a ball in the Premiership.

He risks all on Rooney and Owen - both barely recovered from serious injuries.

England struggle to overcome soccer superpowers Paraguay and Trinidad & Tobago.

The nation spends the next five days working out how England can avoid playing Germany in the next round.

Owen suffers freak accident in the first minute against Sweden. After a fitful performance, England get a draw.

Everyone rejoices that England will be playing Ecuador in the next round.

More costs less: the mad world of Britain's railways

Britain's railways have lost touch with reality. That's the only possible conclusion of this weekend's Guardian expose of rail fares.

Miles Brignall showed that it can cost less to travel further. He cited the example of a £222 fare from London to Carlisle. Yet if you took the same train to Glasgow, you'd pay just £94. Why not buy a ticket to Glasgow?  No problem on the train. But when you got off in Cumbria, the ticket collector will demand an extra £128.

It's crazy. No wonder we all go by car.

See the Guardian article at http://money.guardian.co.uk/consumernews/story/0,,1799285,00.html